“I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong”

I hear these words a lot.

Emma was in her late 40s and attending my clinic for the first time. She told me that she had been dieting on and off for over 20 years.

Dieting was never the perfect solution for Emma. It was painful and inconvenient. And the weight loss never lasted.

But at least it was something. She always knew if one diet didn’t work she could just try another.

But the reason she was attending my clinic now was that as she was going through menopause, she had noticed something both very concerning and unexpected.

Something has gone seriously wrong

Suddenly, diets had stopped working.

Even the reliable ones. Even the popular ones. Even the ones that everyone else seemed to be able to get results with.

At first she thought nothing of it. But as she tried one diet after another, she realised it wasn’t a one-off. Something was seriously wrong.

But what was it?

She refused to believe something her mother had said to her, that after a certain age, weight gain was inevitable and you just accepted it. Emma wouldn’t accept this.

And yet when she looked around, she saw no answers. Which is how she found herself at my clinic. Frustrated, despondent and desperate for answers.

There is a solution

In this article, I want to share with you what I’ve learnt over 11 years of helping women like Emma to find a solution to menopause weight gain. 

There are two things I need to make clear:

1. There is a solution. Gaining weight as you get older is NOT inevitable. Like Emma, you should not accept it.

2. You will have to think differently about weight loss. As you may have figured out, the old solutions that you depended on till now don’t work anymore.

But first, let me talk about some of the common things I’ve noticed with clients who are going through menopause weight gain.

Diets Don’t Work Anymore
and That’s Actually OK

The reality I’ve seen over hundreds of clients is that after 40 there is a noticeable change in the results women can get from dieting.

If you look at your own life, it seemed easier to lose weight in your twenties compared to your forties or fifties.

It’s not an illusion. It was easier. In your twenties, it was not unrealistic to expect to lose 4-5 pounds in a week of being strict with your eating.

But after 40, that is no longer the case.

Now, you might think that this is a bad thing. But actually it’s the opposite. Because freed of the unrealistic desire for fast weight loss, you can focus on what really matters: losing weight and keeping it off for good.

As I say to clients: “It’s not whether it’s fast, it’s whether it lasts”

I think you’ll see as you read further, why this long-term approach is the ideal way to approach weight loss.

Instead of losing a few pounds quickly and gaining it all back (and some more) just as fast, it’s time to focus on healthy, natural, permanent changes.

By accepting this reality you will be much better placed to succeed, instead of giving up out of frustration because your unrealistic expectations weren’t met.

Diet Fatigue

One of the other things I’ve noticed with many clients who come and see me is the experience of “diet fatigue”.

After all, dieting is exhausting.

First you have to find a diet that you think might work for you.

Then you have to figure out the requirements and prepare for it. This might include shopping for different ingredients, learning new recipes and ordering specific products like shakes or supplements.

Then there’s the pain of actually going on a diet. Missing out on foods and experiences you usually love. Eating differently from the rest of the family or your friends. Using every ounce of your willpower to stop yourself doing things that you really want to do. 

And don’t forget the crushing regret and self-blame when you don’t stick to the plan.

Then there’s the inevitable feeling of disappointment when a diet doesn’t deliver. Or when the weight starts increasing again. 

Dieting is Another Thing on Your Plate

If that wasn’t bad enough, the one thing most clients in their late forties and early fifties have in common is that their lives are busier than ever.

They are often managing busy families and hectic social lives while maybe also grappling with demanding leadership positions at work.

They don’t have a lot of spare time.

And yet dieting is almost like having another part-time job. Or an extra wayward child. Dieting takes up so much time and emotional energy.

Ridding yourself of this burden is one of the glorious payoffs of finally solving this problem.

As a client once said: 

“For the first time in forever my time is not spent on google trying to find the next best diet.”

And as another client said:

“I’m only now realising how much time I spent on trying to lose weight”

There comes a time when, even if diets still worked, that a rational person has to think “I’ve had enough of this”. 

At that moment is when you realise rather than going on another diet, it’s time to solve this problem once and for all.

Dieting is a battle of the mind

To move towards a solution means understanding why dieting doesn’t work

The biggest problem is that losing weight by dieting is a battle.

It’s a battle in the mind.

You have a diet plan to follow. But every step of the way, there is resistance.

It doesn’t matter what the diet is. Eat fewer carbs. Fasting. Having shakes or low fat-meals. Whatever you tell yourself to do, it’s hard to stick to, because there is something in you that fights it every step of the way. What is that thing? It’s your relationship with food.

You can try any diet you want, but as I often say to clients “A diet is a diet is a diet”. 

Ultimately every diet is the same because the dieting approach ignores your underlying relationship with food. 

The Thing That is Holding You Back

What is the relationship with food?

It’s a person’s thoughts and habits that determine the way someone interacts with food. It’s what you eat, how much you eat, when you eat, why you eat, where you eat and with whom you eat. 

These habits are the result of decades of conditioning. No wonder when you go on a diet for a few weeks, you need so much willpower. 

Because it’s hard to change the habits of a lifetime. 

No matter how much you try to stick to a diet, eventually the old ways win out.

The Solution

So what’s the solution?

Lasting weight loss involves “un-learning” some of the thoughts and behaviours that have been learned over a lifetime.

By changing these thoughts, beliefs, behaviours and habits around food, we are fixing the underlying problem without the battle that you’ve previously experienced on diets.

When you think about it, without changing these thoughts and behaviours, you can’t expect any solution to stick. Because it’s always a conflict with the old way of doing things that exerts a strong and sometimes irresistible force.

So let’s talk more about how to actually do this…

How to Achieve Menopause Weight Loss

The first thing I always tell clients who want to lose menopause weight is that the solution to your weight problem has to be personalised.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that every time you ever failed on a diet, it’s because it wasn’t personalised enough.

For example:

- The chocolate addict trying to follow a no-carb diet

- The person who hates fasting, trying the 5:2 diet

- The person who wants to eat what their family eats, being asked to have shakes for meals.

So this is the number one rule: We have to find a solution that suits you. 

The first step is to get a clear idea of your specific eating patterns.

1. What is going right?
   What is going wrong?

The best way to get a sense of what your eating patterns are, is to keep a food diary.

I ask every client of mine to keep a food diary. It’s my window into their eating life and the one thing I’ve realised over the years is that where you think you’re going wrong is often not where you’re actually going wrong. 

It’s only by seeing exactly what’s happening day-to-day, in the food diary, that the reality of your eating patterns becomes clear. 

2. Identify the Problem Areas

For many clients, their problem isn’t simply that they eat too much. It’s that they eat too much in certain situations.

Common situations include:

- Late-afternoon snacking

- After-dinner binges

- Emotional eating

- Socialising: Restaurants/ parties/ holidays (vacations)

Think about this. 

Most diets say that you have to eat less across the board: “Just eat less”

That is such an intimidating prospect. How do you even start to do that? It’s drastic and depriving.

But instead, what if it was just about identifying the handful of problem areas and dealing with those? That is much easier to handle.

3. What, When, Where

Part of a personalised plan that you can stick to involves:

Eating the right things

Certain foods suit you. They taste good. They nourish you. They feel satisfying and prevent hunger. 

And it’s specific to you. Foods that suit your friend may not suit you.

Do you know which foods suit you? Most people don’t. This is what we need to discover for you. Once you know this, it makes life a lot easier.

Eating at the right time

One of the amazing things I’ve seen over the years is that simply changing the times at which clients eat can drastically change how much they eat and practically eliminate snacking. 

There is an ideal eating rhythm for you: the best times to eat your meals and snacks that will make life so much easier for you

Controlling the environment

Most people are too blasé about controlling their environment. The more surrounded by food you are, the harder it will be to make good decisions.

Controlling the food environment in a way that you can still enjoy foods that you love is a cornerstone of my approach to losing weight.  

As I tell my clients “You can’t eat something if it isn’t there”

4. It’s All About the Habits

All of the behaviours that control your results in life are habitual.

Without changing the underlying habits, you will always struggle to maintain your weight.

On the other hand when the habits are changed, you’re much more likely to achieve permanent weight loss.

5. Health Cornerstones

Everything in your life is interconnected.

Sleep, stress, activity levels and food choices all have an impact on your general health and specifically your menopausal symptoms. 

To address one area without looking at others is a recipe for ongoing struggle.

This is why the holistic approach is always best.

As one of my clients put it:

“As well as achieving and maintaining my goal weight, I also have my energy back and feel 10 yr younger.”

The aim of losing weight is not just to see a different number on the scales, it’s to feel better and to be the best version of yourself.

How to Lose Weight
Without Dieting

“The big difference between this and a diet, is that I’m never going back, because it’s become the way that I live.”

Donna P, Lost 22 pounds

If you’d like to learn how I’ve helped my clients to achieve permanent weight loss without dieting, I’ve created a free training video which explains:

– The life-changing alternative to dieting.

– How to create a new, healthy relationship with food.

– How to achieve lasting personal transformation (instead of fragile weight loss that doesn’t last).

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